Love Notes and other forms of hostess worship
Perfumed epistles, trinkets of devotion, and other delights trickle into my dark lair by night and, should I deign to open these offerings, I may, just may share them with you, dear bowler. Do consider the time I take, disposing of the many enlargement-related offers (regulation-size balls have worked for hundreds of years in alleys around the world...) and the numerous, I repeat, numerous offers from the lovely Korean bowling community to sell me their used equipment (really, with all due respect, I don't think you can airmail an entire brunswick alley to my cellar but thank you for offering.) and if, perchance, you are from a search engine who desperately wants to expose me to the population of Spain, Japan, or other countries, I will be happy to consider your offer only *after* you have flown me to said country, expenses paid, to ensure that the alleys there are truly sinister enough to warrant further discussion.
Dainty pats on the head go to:
Ft. Walton Beach Bowl: "Just wanted to let you know, The Alley Owners, wanted me to invite you in when you are in the area, they offer you free bowling when and if you come to visit and take new pictures. I figure I would pass the message on."- Now there's a polite young man. He even signed as "Purple", my favorite
color. It's that kind of attention that pleases the dark lady. That and a
bouquet of black roses...just a hint, alleys who want a second chance to
win my heart.
Suck ups: The coveted opportunity to sell out:
I have asked time and time again to be given the ability to sell out. So far, not one company has offered to fund my global bowling tour, so as yet, I have not a tattoo of any company's logo. Move fast, my dear ones, space is going quickly.
I have, however, had my first sell-out offer from a person known only as Dave (like Morrisey, I guess, or...um...Cher?)
"I really love your gothic site! can i send you a free gothic bobble head doll? in return for a photo link to these gothic bobble heads? thanks!
- I prefer to be addressed by name, as "hostess", "mistress", or "divine one" but I suppose one has to start somewhere if one wants to be a corporate whore, so after some negotiation, I managed to finagle the promise of the far more gothic than the "gothic", black cat giant head thing for the dashboard of my eerie black station wagon. Beware alley mice. Kitty and I are coming.